Child
by astarael
Summary: Okies, this is a songfic about Alanna at the end of LR... her emotions & reflections on the coronation disaster/love/where she's going.. I guess the title is somewhat misleading - she has no child - it's the Goddess talking to her - and Child is the name


Child  
by astarael  
  
Okies, this is my second songfic, this time it's about Alanna and her reflecting what happened in the end of LR. This has sort of been done before, I guess, but whatever. The lyrics are what the Goddess is saying, the setting is in the desert, and Alanna has just read Liam's farewell note. Thoughts are in -...-s (I think there's only one actual thought, hehe) and because I haven't yet figured out how to do italics, the song lyrics are going to be in *....*s.  
  
Disclaimer: If only if only I owned these characters. I don't. They belong to Tamora Pierce. The lyrics to "Child" are Tara MacLean's. The song is unreleased but can be found on some online music trading things (I found it on Limewire).  
  
Okay, here we go...  
  
  
  
  
  
Sunset found Alanna of Trebond and Olau atop a hill, gazing out across the red-bathed desert. Still she clutched Liam's farewell, although she had controlled her tears. As the sky darkened and stars appeared, the King's Champion reflected on the recent past. How awful could just one day be? How much pain could come on, so hard and so fast, in such a short time? Without warning, a lone tear slid down her cheek. Swallowing her emotions, Alanna set her jaw stubbornly and brushed away the tear with the back of her hand.  
  
-I will not cry,- Alanna thought angrily. -Not again.-  
  
But another tear fell to the sand, and another, until her world was shattered by thousands of tiny prisms sparkling in the dying light. Upset, Alanna barely noticed her emberstone's heat growing against her skin. Only did she become aware of its message when she jolted out of her reverie by five sneezes right on top of each other.  
  
Fumbling for a moment, she jumped up, ready for an attack. Then she regained her composure only to fall to her knees: upon clearing her eyes, she had met the unnerving green gaze of the Great Mother Goddess.   
  
"My mother," Alanna whispered.  
  
The immortal reached out a graceful hand and gently touched Alanna's cheek.  
  
*Dry your eyes, child.  
What are you frightened of?  
You miss the beauty here  
If you've forgotten love.*  
  
"I haven't forgotten. I tried to love... I fear it still; it has hurt me. Oh, Goddess, what can I do?" Alanna cried, despairing.  
  
*Look for the truth in your heart, child,  
Though the light may blind  
See with more than your eyes.*  
  
Alanna had now contained her tears again, but she wanted to let them keep coming. Thinking of George, she felt her body wrack with silent sobs... where was he? Why hadn't he come to see her? Did she know, in her heart, that George wasn't for her? Or was something else there? An insatiable passion, a perfect match? Finding it hard to breathe, she struggled to stay silent.  
  
*Take a deep breath  
For breathing can be a shallow thing,  
And hearts break easily.  
I know.*  
  
Why? Alanna was miserable.  
  
"My heart has been broken four times over, but mended only twice. Why must it be like this? It's supposed to be a happy ending!" Alanna was on the edge of a breakdown. "Why?" she raged. "How could you take away everyone I loved?"  
  
*There are no happy endings  
For nothing ever ends.  
And I know that you feel like you've fallen  
But you'll find your feet again.  
I know.*  
  
"But... but..." Alanna stuttered. Once again on the verge of tears, she bit her lip to keep them at bay. Closing her eyes, Liam's warm grin and dragon eyes flashed in her memory, followed by her own reflection: Thom's sly smile and his own mischievous violet eyes appeared. Then came Faithful's voice, his quips and advice, his purple eyes so like Alanna's and Thom's. A single tear seeped from between her lashes, and she sniffed. Opening her eyes, she looked up to the Goddess. "What can I do?"  
  
*Dry your eyes, child,  
You need all the strength.  
I know it's been hard so far  
But that's the path of sums you overcome.  
And find a star in every blackened sky,  
And I have seen you shine.*  
  
"You could not count the number of times you have exceeded my expectations. You truly shine, my child. Your road has been rough but you, Alanna, persevered."  
  
"But I couldn't have done it without you," Alanna protested. "Saving Jon, at the Black City against the Ysandir... even against Roger..."  
  
"No," the Goddess interrupted firmly. "Listen to me, my daughter. You have come so far. But you have not needed me for all you have done. Yes, I helped you, but not always. You were in my hand, sheltered, but you worked for yourself. I am proud to have such a courageous, persevering vassal. Keep faith in me, and I will in you."  
  
*Let your faith be your sword, child,  
And it will fight for you  
In everything you do.  
I know.*  
  
Alanna nodded numbly, struggling once again with her emotions. "I just... I just didn't want it to end like this, is all. I didn't want it to be so... so full of ends. I wanted Jon's coronation to be a beginning, like Liam" - she motioned to the paper on the sand beside her - "said. I've lost it all. There's nothing left for me. Nothing!"  
  
*There are no happy endings,   
For nothing ever ends,  
And I know you feel like you've lost it all  
But you'll find yourself again.*  
  
"You will find yourself again, my daughter."  
  
"Will I?" Alanna asked, tearful. "But how? I have nothing," she said, spreading her hands, showing empty palms - and an empty heart.  
  
"You will find yourself again. I know." The Goddess gently touched Alanna's outstretched hand - in a gesture of maternity Alanna had never known - lending comfort. Quietened, Alanna gave a small sigh, feeling tension leave her, dissolving into the cool desert night air.  
  
But then she thought again of George, seemingly all she had left. Losing Thom, Liam, and Faithful on top of losing Jon's love was so awful. She wondered if George was for her, and whether she could love after so much loss. As if reading her thoughts, the Goddess told her softly,  
  
*There are no happy endings, for nothing ever ends,  
And I know. I know  
You feel like you're torn apart,  
But you'll fall in love again.  
I know.*  
  
"I know it, Alanna. Do not forget your past, but do move forward. It will hurt to move on, but you must. Keep your faith."  
  
Alanna, stricken again by tears, said quietly, "I'll try, my mother. Thank you."  
  
As she became part of the blackened sky, the Great Mother Goddess said once more, in her voice of the winds, "Keep your faith, Alanna..."  
  
And with that final farewell, Alanna rocked back onto her heels, the sky blurring with her tears. Sobbing, she let them come unhindered. She was still hurting, but now she was able to move forward. Taking a deep breath, she gathered herself, tucking Liam's note into her tunic, and walked back to the village, smiling.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
So there you have it. Whadda y'all think? Leave me a lil review, I'd greatly appreciate it... Flames OK, I guess... I fear fire but you do need fire to have cookies and I looove cookies so I won't freak out TOO much. But really, what is the point of flaming?   
  
Hope you enjoyed my little story!   
bises  
astarael  



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